Day 3: Letter to your parents

{Part of the 30-day Challenge}

Dear dad birth father,

I thank you for loving me and caring for me for the first 10 years of my life; for that I will be eternally grateful. You know what you did to my mother and all this time, instead of hating you, I hated her. Instead of blaming you, I blamed her and I can never forgive myself for that.

When you blatantly abandoned us, and please do not get upset AGAIN over the word abandoned because I mean, let's call a spade a spade; you abandoned us. So when you abandoned us, my whole world crashed. I felt like a piece of me had died; it's like someone had stabbed, cut me open, took a part of my heart and left me open. I couldn't think of a reason why in the world, would you give up on your family? What could be more important than spending the rest of your life with the woman whom you promised a life together to and your adorable little girl who loved you so much? My only guess is that you were seriously blind but now it's your loss.

You broke a good woman's heart and made her so cold that she didn't consider being close to another man for years; you missed out on all your daughter's love and affection. You missed out on birthdays, special occasions, holidays, and everything in between. You missed out on us.

Now, you try to come back into our lives as if none of it ever happened, but news flash it did. I hope that you can read all the anger and the hurt in my letter because I am that angry. I have been angry for longer than I can remember and I realise now, that God had a different plan for us. You were chosen to follow your path and us, ours. Somehow, this has made us stronger. My mother finally found a man who loves her more than life itself and I found peace at last; I found peace within a recomposed family. I have a mother who always wants my best and a step-dad who loves me like his own daughter; what more could I ask for?

As I said, I respect you for the first 10 years of my life but please do not expect more from me for I will not be able to give it to you. You can't expect to pop whenever you want in and out of my life and try to control any aspect of it. You surrendered your rights to any part of my life the day you chose to give up on us. I hope you live a wonderful life with your wives and your children. I wish you nothing but the best and as of right now, I'm officially letting go.

Your daughter.

P.S: If you could please take off my mom's pictures off your wall, that'd be great. It is getting kinda creepy. I'm just saying.

Faith in fate.

I got a call from a friend I haven't heard from in a long while today and I thought things would be awkward, but it really wasn't. I was pleasantly surprised. You see, lately, I had become so bitter and so lonesome that I didn't want to talk to anyone; Iwouldn't pick up my phone or talk to anyone. I had become angry and bitter but what I came to realise is that this phone call was bound to be my wake-up call. No matter who I meet in my life, no matter what I go through, everything is bound to happen because it's bound to; it's fate. I believe that even if I work my butt off in life, or that something occurs in all my "ships" whether it'd be friendships or relationships, the outcome will be determined by fate. Now, that doesn't mean that I won't work my butt off in life just because I believe in fate, or that I will let anything or anyone come in between my ships. But I do believe that when it comes to a certain point in all situations, things will be eventually out of your hands, because whatever that is bound to happen will happen, sooner or later.

What do you think? Do you believe in fate?

Happiness

"We all live with the objective of being happy; our lives are

different and yet the same."-Anne Frank

I spent most of my day, today in bed, being sick as a dog. When I get sick, I lose hope; hope that everything will be all right. Every little bad thing that ever happened to me flows back to my mind faster than water flowing out of a fountain. I lose my essence, I lose who I am because everything did not go as I had previously planned it. I just thought to myself, "Why me, God?. Why me? What did I do wrong in my life, to deserve this? Why are you punishing me like this?" Then as if it was a sign from God, this little glimmer of light just appeared through the blinds of my window, drawing a long straight line on my bare wall. I looked through my window and the sky was covered with clouds; clouds gray as gray could get and through those clouds, lo and behold, I saw a glimpse of the sun. Ace of Base came straight to mind as I got up and pulled up my blinds. I found myself singing as loudly as I could while making my bed. I found myself shuffling my feet to the beat in my heart while I gathered my room up. I found myself smiling while trying to catch a rerun of Friends. That's when I realised that God has given me another chance to change my outlook today. For the life of me, I couldn't remember why I was so hopeless a few moments ago. I couldn't gather all the negative thoughts in my head because there were none. I felt cheery, bright and loving; my cold had suddenly disappeared.

God works in mysterious ways and he taught me so many valuable lessons today. I learnt that nothing can bring you down when you have faith; that you make your own happiness and that your past does not define who you are today. I've made a lot mistakes in my life and I've regretted it; but now I see that instead of regretting it happened, I should be glad because I get to learn from my mistakes. As I sat on my bed, watching the sun go down this evening, I felt this pure sense of serenity, that everything would be allright. Now, nothing and no one can take away my faith.