Converses vs. High Heels: Where do I fit in?

Disclaimer: Some of these pictures might make you want to run for the hills but I am confident enough to share this with y'all.

Growing up, I went through many different phases in my life. When I was about as high as 3 apples, the youngest of my mom's family, my lovely aunt was a teen. A teen who was loud, bubbly who had mistaken me for her real-life Barbie Doll. She used to come to our house with all of her friends and they would dress me up, in big poofy dresses and do little braids on my hair. I didn't mind. I loved being a little diva; I would tell most people not to touch me because I was pretty and they were not. You could say that I was very conceited; when you're an only child and everyone in your family tells you how special and cute you are, you tend to believe it, right? RIGHT?

I know- I was a cutester!

here I am with my father

Then I became a teen. A teen who loved her baggy jeans and her holey sweatshirts more than life itself. I had over 20 pairs of jeans and I wore them non-stop. I didn't want anything to do with hair styling, make-up or anything of the sort. It's like my aunt and her crazy friends had traumatized me to death. My mother would often be quoted, saying: " I gave birth to a girl, not a boy. Please put on a skirt, or a top that doesn't reach your knees." I was seriously set on wearing a purple and black tracksuit to my senior prom.

To scare my mother even more, I used to tell her that I would rock a white Adidas tracksuit with "The Bride" bedazzled on the back and I would match them with some fierce Converse white high tops; she had so many nightmares about it. Point was that I didn't care one bit. In high school, I hung out with my little group of girlfriends who are still my best friends now, whom I miss dearly by the way :) and I didn't participate heavily in after-school activities. I wasn't on any sports team, I didn't do arts or crafts, I wasn't member of any club. I was just plain.

When I was going into my senior year of high school, I had a wake up call; I wasn't going to be remembered for anything so I kicked myself into gear. I became a member of the music club; it didn't matter that I couldn't play a single instrument. I joined the school "glee club" if you could call it that; it didn't matter that I cannot hold a tune to save my life. I was part of the drama club and even co-wrote a play with all of my classmates; I played an OG {that's an Original Gangsta}. I was part of the Arts and Fashion show where I was behind the scenes of course; you can't expect a miracle to happen.

I started dressing up and changing a bit my style. I still loved my converses but I'd wear tighter jeans and cute tops. I even wore a dress .:GASP:. to my prom. Then I did a complete 180°. I tried being a complete girly girl; I wore dresses and skirts non-stop. I would buy loads and loads of make-up that I didn't even know how to wear often. I started buying heels that I couldn't even walk in; I guess I just wanted to be noticed as a girl for the first time in my life.

at Prom

Now it feels like the old part of me wants to break out from the shell; I don't want to veer off into the horrible part of me but I can't pretend to be girly girly because that's just not who I am. If a girl can walk in 4' inch heels and not have sore feet by the end of the night, then she's my hero. My feet are already sore from wearing flats all day. I do love makeup and have gotten better at it, most definitely but sometimes, I just like to be bare. I know I have sun spots and little freckles around my nose but I embrace it; it's who I am. I don't need to hide behind all these artificial stuff because that's what I was doing, hiding. I hid behind everything instead of really feeling things and just being myself.

I am not a spotlight kind of girl; I like to blend in. But there is a difference between blending in and completely disappearing. Now, I am at a point where I just want to find a common ground between my converses and my high heels.

+ =