Friday, July 02, 2010

If you could read my mind love....

What a tale these thoughts would tell!

Have you ever met a guy that was a total stranger yet you couldn't stop thinking about him? You know, he could be the guy at the coffee shop you always go to in the morning; the guy on the bus/train/subway that always seems to be headed your way or the guy at the gym working out besides you albeit I've never seen any hot boys around me when I used to go the gym.

For me, it was Neighborhood Boy. I think I was in the 9th grade and I first saw him on the bus on the way home after school. I was sitting by myself and I was listening to Janet Jackson's "Someone to call my lover", which was my jam at that point and I was blankly staring outside the window, dreaming about finding a lover of my own. I've always felt like I was older in my mind so being head-over-heels-so-in-love-that-I-want-to-skip-down-the-streets-and-yell-it-out-to-the-world-how-I-feel-and-not-care-if-people-think-i'm-a-nutjob was a thought I could wrap my mind around. Keep in mind that I was a hormonal teen and all that mattered at that point, was finding cute boys that I could flirt with. While aimlessly searching for a cute face that I could probaly do some hot, steamy, eye-gazing with, I fell on him. All of sudden, my heart just dropped.

He was getting on in the front of the bus and he was wearing a Kobe Bryant Lakers jersey, an XXL white t-shirt, baggy jean capris and white air force ones; how I remember that, I don't know. To this day, I still don't know how old he was but it seemed like he was about my age. He wasn't tall, he sure wasn't built like an athlete but there was something about him. Something that kept on pulling me deeper and deeper; I think it was his smile. He had bright, white teeth and a little cute dimple on the left cheek. His eyes sent multiple chills down my spine. You could say at that point, I've been hooked. Anywho, we stared at each other for what seemed like an eternity {more like 3/4 of a second}, I willed myself to look away because I was a 1/4 of a second away from looking positively coy to "OMG! Why is that chick staring at me? Creepster Alert".

So, our eyes met a couple more times until I realized we were getting off at the same bus stop. I got off the bus and tried to walk faster than him down the hill just so I could see where he would go next; I arrived at my mailbox and saw that he ended up living across the park. I went home, sat on my bed and my train of thoughts went along the lines of: "This dude is smoking. Like hot-smoking. What am I gonna do? How can I approach him? Should I play it cool and just give little smiles and glances until he gets the point? Or should I just go up to him and tell him how I feel? Yeah, I'm pretty ballsy- I say out loud how I feel. That's right; I'm a badass!

Hey, HOW DO I FEEL, by the way? Is this what love feels like? Am I nuts? Is he going to think I'm nuts? Should I just let it go? How can I be in love when I'm only 14? Why is my stomach growling? Have I eaten yet? What do I want for dinner? I feel like having some homemade chocolate chip cookies. Would he like it if I made him some chocolate chip cookies? Why am I thinking about baking his ass some cookies? If I want to bake cookies, which I don't by the way, I'll bake cookies for me. Who is he, anyway? Why haven't I seen him around before? I've lived here for a year now.

Could he be thinking about me at this moment? Could I have catched his eye? Is it weird to crush on someone you've never known? Is he having the same convo in his head right now? No, he is not that stupid; why would he be thinking about you right now? You're crazy, you know that right? Why am I talking to myself right now? Okay, time to go eat some food; I'mma starvin'."

Everyday for the next few weeks, I made sure to take the bus at the same exact time just to make sure I didn't miss him but to no avail, I didn't catch a glimpse of him. It pretty went steep downhill at that point, and I've done or said some embarrassing things that the me today would cringe if a girl ever tried to pull off this kinda stuff. My best friend K was also crushing hard on another boy who lived in her neighborhood too, at that same time so we thought we'd be ingenious and try to tell our significant crushes how we felt. The bright idea also included that I do the "deed" for her and vice versa. I know, INGENIOUS!

One day after school, we followed her crush towards their homes. Since he lived a few houses away from her, I catched up to him and told him how she felt. I want to say that it turned out good for her, but it didn't. She kept her side of the deal and went up to NB and told him how I felt. I had so many fantasies about him, coming up to me and telling me that he felt the same way or that he would swiftly grab me and kiss me 'til I couldn't muster my breath. Yes I have a vivid imagination. My world soon came crashing down; he never spoke to me LIKE EVER; well i certainly wouldn't if I was him and some girl's best friend came up to me and said: "Umm..yeah, you know, my friend there? Well yeah, she kinda likes you but she's kinda shy. Umm do you mind talking to her next time you see her? That would really mean a lot to her, mm okay? Thanks!"

If our eyes happen to cross for like, even a second, he would look away then he would always have a laugh whenever he was with friends and looked at me directly. I heard after a while that he didn't want to talk to me because I was a "chubster" and that I probably wouldn't it give it up but I never found out for sure. It made me feel so self-conscious .There was a lot of whatifs going through my head for such a long time. About a year ago, we ended up being friends on Facebook; he added me.

I felt like I had gotten such satisfaction on almost 8 years of a feeling of rejection; it made my inner 14-old, hormonal teen take revenge on a guy who wouldn't give her the time of day 8 years ago but was asking me about how my days went on FB. To say that I refreshed his memory about who I really was and then told him that if he wasn't so shallow, he would have met a great girl and probably met a friend for life. Then I deleted his ass. Okay, so I might have been a little vindictive but it just felt good putting his ass straight back on the line.

Do you remember any strangers from your past?


  1. lol!! This made me crack up! I don't delete those people though-- I just let them see exactly how awesome of a life I have and how cool I am!

    Ok, I'm not really cool, but I look cool on FB!

    And then I make sure to write about my sweet, awesome hubby in my status for the next week. And my profile pic is the most smokin' hot picture you've ever seen.

    But the stranger that I couldn't stop thinking about? He turned into that awesome husband! I sent my friend over to give him my number. Later that night I was daydreaming and my friend said, "don't worry-- he'll call and you guys will fall in love and get married and have lots of babies."

    We've got everything but the babies so far!

  2. haha good for him! thanks for stopping by my blog i'm following you back.

  3. Good for you stnding up for yourself like that! Your clearly a strong beautiful confident woman and he finally saw what he was missing. To bad men are complete dicks ay! haha.
    Great post loved every word!! x


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